By Samantha Suarez | Photography by David Specht

While you will attend many happy hours and try out many drinks throughout your life, there is always the one beverage you fall back on. Mine, for example, is the gin and tonic. This “signature drink” is more than
just a delicious refreshment you mindlessly order: It’s also the first impression you give your bartender.

After all, bartending is more than mixing cocktails and serving beer. It’s one of the most social jobs out there, where constant interaction is expected and social perceptiveness is a must. You’ve all seen that classic movie scene where the tired patron lets out all their feelings and shares their life story with the empathetic bartender that wipes down the bar table. Jessica Konieczki, daytime manager and bartender at the Rockwell Republic, is no stranger to this scene. After five years of bartending, she has acquired a ton of regulars. 

“Everyone wants to feel like a VIP, so when they come in, and I anticipate what they want, they really enjoy it, and I think that keeps them coming back.” 

“After I see the same person more than once, I notice they usually order the same drink,” she said. “Everyone wants to feel like a VIP, so when they come in, and I anticipate what they want, they really enjoy it, and I think that keeps them coming back.”

We thought Konieczki was the perfect person to give insight as to what people’s drink orders say about them. Go ahead and find yours!

Gin & Tonic

Jessica Konieczki: Gin and tonic drinkers usually just like gin and tonic, and that’s pretty much all they drink. It’s an easy go-to. It’s a bit too piney for my taste though. The type of gin someone orders is also telling. If they order well gin, they’re just in it for the buzz. If they order Hendricks, they’re in it for the flavor preference.

Wine

JK: I feel like red wine drinkers are very patient people. They’re actually in it for the taste of red wine, not to chug a glass of alcohol, which brings me to white wine people. White wine is usually served cold so you can drink more of it at once. I myself love a good Riesling! I feel like as white wine drinkers, we aspire to be red wine drinkers, but we just can’t get there. Red wine is one of those drinks you have to sip on, and white wine drinkers are just too impatient for that. 

Craft Beer

JK: They probably have a beard or are wearing a beanie. Or both. 

Domestic Beer

JK: Domestic beer drinkers are set in their ways. I have a lot of customers that come in and ask if we have Bud Light on draft, but we only carry it in bottles. I recommend something to them to get them out of their comfort zone a little, but that’s still on the same level. If they ask for a Miller Light, I’ll recommend a Perrin Gold, especially if it’s on draft. 

Cosmopolitan

JK: Cosmos are very fruity and fun, but they have a lot of alcohol. I think of them as vodka cranberries on steroids. I’ve made so many of them at this point, I can make them in my sleep. Whenever I see people drinking cosmos, I think of Sex and The City, so I would say it’s a classy, strong woman drink. 

Martini

JK: It all depends on the type of martini they like. Fruity martini drinkers are all about fun and games. People who like straight-up martinis or dirty martinis can drink anyone under the table!

Long Island Iced Tea

JK: This is my favorite drink to comment on. Whenever someone orders one of these, my opinion is that they’ve had a bad day and want to get drunk as quickly as possible. Or they’re ready to party, and want to get drunk as quickly as possible. 

Vodka Soda

JK: I would say people who order these are both in it for the alcohol and watching their calorie intake.

Whiskey

JK: We have a selection of over one hundred whiskeys here, so whenever someone asks me for a whiskey neat or on the rocks, I immediately ask for their preference. If they say well whiskey, they probably don’t know much about whiskey. If they have a more sophisticated preference, I see them as a bad-ass who knows their alcohol. 

Tequila

JK: This is the one drink that doesn’t give me a hangover. But, I do notice most people get really sloppy when they have it… at least I do! 

Shots

JK: If someone orders a fruity shot like a white gummy bear or a sex on the beach, then I think they’re new to the drinking game. They’re just so juvenile. If you get a straight-up shot of Fireball or Jameson, then I think they know what they want, are ready to have fun, and are not high-maintenance. 

Vodka Cranberry

JK: This drink is just so basic. I don’t want to say I get annoyed when people order it since it’s so easy to make and it does go down smoothly, but I would say they should broaden their horizons!

Whiskey Coke

JK: It’s usually younger people who order this. It’s an easy go-to that you don’t really have to think about.

Bloody Mary

JK: My first thought is that you’re hungover and looking for that hair of the dog. I never trust anyone that can drink more than two of these though. They’re so filling!

Konieczki has a bit of advice for other women manning the bar: “Don’t be timid. Be strong. You’re going to run into men that assume you don’t know anything about whiskeys and bourbons. There will be people you can’t please no matter what. There will be long and hard shifts. Be yourself, be confident, and be engaging and you’ll get great interactions and meet all sorts of interesting people!”

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Samantha Suarez

Sam was born in Chicago, grew up in the Philippines, attended college in Australia and is now living in Grand Rapids. She loves cheese, video games and music, and will quote a movie or TV show every chance she gets.